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“Mission Accomplished” is too bold

My post about my squirrel war has drawn more interest than any other topic. Some people are empathetic. Some are curious. Some just have it out for the squirrels.

I considered providing an update earlier. However, it would have been in line with standing on the deck of an aircraft carrier with a huge banner declaring “Mission Accomplished.” It would have been a serious misinterpretation of the situation.

When you invade the enemy’s homeland, I’m not sure you can ever be so bold as to declare “Mission Accomplished.”

I’m pretty sure I have increased my budget allocations to the war effort. I’m certain I have diverted resources from other pursuits to maintain the war effort. And, I am certain that I have not achieved victory.

The vintage wooden bird feeder that I was attempting to salvage now lies in a broken heap below the deck. Two sturdy metal birdfeeders are bird sanctuary fortresses.

The squirrels sent in air assault rangers to get at the bird feeders. The storm troopers flipped off of the gutter and rappelled down the 550 cord holding the feeders. I’m not lying. I wouldn’t believe it had I not seen it myself.

Spraying the top of the feeders with WD40 stymied them for a few days. A few squirrels rappelled to the slick metal birdfeeder roof and careened to the ground below. However, after a few days, the WD40 dried enough to allow the insurgents to gain a foothold.

Wheel bearing grease would seem to be more lasting on the metal roof. Unfortunately, it was too sticky and not as slick as the WD40. It made the roof treacherous for the squirrels, but still afforded them a foothold.

My most recent efforts have included installing squirrel-deterring baffles above the bird feeders ($19.95 each) and cutting a limb away from the house to deny the commando squirrels a staging area from which to jump onto the window ledge.

On Sunday morning, while eating breakfast and reading the paper, I observed a squirrel patrol squad working their way from the woods. In a classic bounding over watch pattern, they headed toward the house. Before leaving the house, I saw the point squirrel crash to the ground in his attempt to circumvent the baffle. My victory dance was premature. It was only a minor setback for squirrel nation.

When I returned home early afternoon, I realized the feeder was missing. It was lying on the ground where squirrels were triumphantly plundering the contents. I’m still puzzled as to how some hero squirrel managed to chew through the 550 cord holding the feeder. But, I can bet that his whole platoon was cheering him on.

Surely there is a flexible metal cable available to upgrade the 550 cord. This is how war efforts escalate. You just hate to admit defeat and withdraw. Peace is within reach. Victory is at hand. This will not stand…

Frank White
Frank Whitehttp://www.mediaworksdesign.com/
Frank White is a native of east Tennessee and reveres the hills and nature of the Cumberland Plateau and east Tennessee. He enjoys backpacking, canoeing and flyfishing. He and his wife, Natalie, have been Clarksville residents since 1979. Frank is the owner of MediaWorks, a design and printing company in Clarksville, TN. He earned a BS in mass communications and political science from Middle Tennessee State University and a master of arts in journalism from the Indiana University School of Journalism at Bloomington. He is a distinguished military graduate from ROTC at Indiana University and is retired from the U.S. Army Reserve having also served in the Tennessee Army National Guard. He served with the U.S. Army VII Corps in Operation Desert Storm. Frank is a passionate follower of Christ and seeks to mentor others in exploring the endless depths of grace.
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