Topic: Army wives

One Soldier’s Wife: Stoic stance serves to hide a breaking heart

By Debbie Boen | October 1, 2007 |

“Soldiers do change during war, because how they cope tends to be individualist, isolating, not reaching out to others … I think that this war also damages the souls of many soldiers … Real men, soldiers, are evidently supposed to suck it up and kill on demand without a conscience, without feelings … – Polly Coe, Licensed Therapist

While our troops are overseas, scattered across the deserts of Iraq and spread over the mountainous terrain of Aghanistan, soldier’s wives juggle a variety of roles, stepping into and out of them based on deployments. It’s hard to keep all the balls in the air, and sometimes they all come tumbling down, rolling across the floor in every direction. As a representative of Clarksville Online, I spoke with one such wife, Shelly, who is reeling from the impact of life as a military spouse during war. I give you her story, followed by the complete text of Therapist Polly Coe’s comments on the impact of the Iraq War on our troops and their families.

The following is a transcript of my questions (CO) and Shelly’s answers:

CO: How’s the war been to you?

Shelly: When it broke out, we had just arrived in Clarksville (Jan 2003); we bought a house and a month later he was gone. When he’s in Iraq I don’t listen to the news. I can’t. And I keep it away from the kids. Things that happen in the war are too close to home; it upsets the kids. There’s a mechanical problem with aircraft and everyone is asking me if he’s OK. I honestly don’t know and I don’t want to hear or talk about it.

CO: How does the war upset the kids?

Shelly: Dad’s gone all the time. They idealize Dad, especially when he’s not here. A picture gets built up in their heads of the perfect Dad. They miss him and they ask, “why can’t he call, why can’t he come home?” It’s especially hard on birthdays and Christmas. We’ve had the “missed” Christmas, the early and late Christmas; the Christmas where Dad came to our hotel. «Read the rest of this article»

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