I do not condone abusive punishments, but I do discipline to my daughters when it is necessary. Many times this can be done with a simple look and order to “go to your room,” and at other times it involves taking away a prized possession, or possibly more severe actions such as grounding. Fortunately for both of us, this works well and ensures that our daughter obeys her parents, and is respectful to others both elders and other children.

I believe that being a parent is one of the most important jobs that a person can ever have. The success (or failure) is your life’s work, and quite possibly carries on for generations to come. One can of course change their destiny, and many do. But no one will argue that the foundation of a person’s character begins with their upbringing.

I do not claim to be the best parent out there, but I do try to be aware of the way I act, and what I say. I want to make sure that daughter understands that life is tough, and there will be many bumps in the road ahead of her. My hope is by the time she leaves the nest, maybe when she is 30, she will leave as a honest, respectful, caring and God fearing young lady who is ready to take on the world.

Children will definitely be children, but I wonder if other parents see their children as a reflection of themselves? That is something to ponder.

The public welfare tradition of government support is a relatively new tradition, started in full force during the great depression of the 1930’s through the recognition of government as a positive force for social change. Since that time, there has been a continuous dialectic between supporters of government as a basic safety net and detractors of government who feel that family is the basic social unit of society, and that government interference weakens the family and diminishes America.
What does family mean to you? On June 15th, 2008 California became the second state in the nation to grant gays and lesbians the right to legally marry. After nearly thirty years of struggle some fundamental rights are finally being granted to same sex couples who are committed to loving and caring for each other in every way similar to those of us who have always taken those rights for granted. For some, this is a step backwards, towards a dissolution of the traditional family unit and the basic moral framework of this country. For others, it is a step forward towards a more liberal and open minded society, throwing off the shackles of an oppressive framework and moving towards a more humanistic and egalitarian vision of community.

Regardless of what family means to you, the law still places strong limitations on what a family is and can do. That is why I propose we take a step further, even beyond gay marriage and beyond traditional welfare standards in our consideration of what family means. In recent history, a family meant a mother and a father, living in a house, with dependent minor children. This basic family unit was the classic definition of postwar American culture. The reality is that this is a very new definition of family and a recent cultural construction. This definition, however, has permeated all aspects of law and public policy and has become the framework of political dialogue.

A more historical, and therefore more traditional definition of family is people who live together in a ‘household.’ What that means practically is that a ‘household’ is a group of people living together and taking care of each other. Sometimes that is a heterosexual couple and their children. Sometimes it is a grandmother and her grandchildren. Sometimes it is two men or two women and their natural or adopted children. Sometimes it is a man and his mother and her nieces. Sometimes it is a group of people who have chosen to live together intentionally. The point is that love makes a family. Whoever lives in a household together and takes care of each other out of mutual love, respect and desire is a family.

This means that public welfare policy and law need to catch up with the times. The cost to the American taxpayers and the loss of productivity and income due to the limitation of benefits is enormous and a real burden on the public treasury. Take the following case as an example of how the current framework of social policy limits who can receive benefits and the burdens that it places on individuals: A man is living with his wife and they find it is time to bring home his mother to take care of her. At the same time, his sister is caught up in a lifestyle of drug addiction and is living on the streets so she gives her daughter to that same family to take care of. The working man and his wife cannot put either the niece or mother on their insurance. In order to do so they will need to file mountains of legal paperwork as guardians, power of attorney and adoption just to be able to participate in their medical care and help them.

In this hypothetical example everyone is related and still they cannot claim these persons as dependents for matters of insurance and other public policy issues. So the only institution to turn to is the government. That is what government is for, but in this case is it really necessary? If we have universal health care and other universal social care policies then perhaps this point would not need to be made. But currently the reality is that we live in a mixed tradition of public and private institutional support with regard to matters of insurance and medical care, not to mention issues of legal responsibility, social visitation and other public policy issues which are part of the current dialogue concerning definitions of family.

A family consists of people who love each other and have made a commitment to caring for each other. I believe it is time for our legislators and public policy administrators to acknowledge this simple truth. Families helping each other out is the most responsible agenda our society can promote. Narrowing the definition of family and excluding some means that the government must then bear the burden or even worse it means that some family members will not get any support or aid in their times of need. This is especially ironic at a time when we are spending hundreds of billions of dollars on a war in Iraq which is using public dollars to destroy an entire infrastructure and government. Our actions in that country have resulted in the dissolution and separation of hundreds of thousands of families, some temporarily and some permanently through death.

That is why I believe it is time to reframe our definition of what a family means. A ‘household’ should be redefined to mean any individual who lives in a common dwelling or property and is actively participating in the caregiving of one or more individuals in that dwelling or property or is the recipient of such care, living in said dwelling or property. This reframework should permeate all levels of public policy from the granting of insurance to the bestowing of rights of visitation to the administration of the ceremony of marriage. We must mandate that employers and insurers offer all family members coverage, and that hospitals and legal authorities recognize the rights of family members to participate in all aspects of their common lives.

Common law family support should be the expectation and the societal norm. Regardless of what our religious tradition may be or lack thereof, the expectation of society should be kindness, charity, love and support. Giving to one another and nurturing is the normal, human thing to do. That is why it is time for our legislators in Washington DC to catch up with the reality of how people are living now and enact laws and public policy recommendations to relieve the burden on families who are already overburdened. As a candidate for federal office, I support the framework and intention of expanding the definition of what it means to be a family and will work to see that such legislation is brought into the public dialogue and made visible to the American people.

Since turning 70, I am analyzing my situation,and have made the following observations:

• I am still maturing
• I still enjoy sports
• I’m dedicated to a high health standard
• I still appreciate exercising
• I recognize the brevity of life more than ever before
• I’ve enjoyed the World Series and the weekly Titans game
• I enjoy serving as a board member on several dynamic community organizations
• I continue to discover the security, peace and direction of my faith and appreciate my spiritual resources
• While this litany could continue, I find myself pondering and reminding myself of my legacy. Not what it will be, but rather, what it is now.

It’s there, and I accept cognitively and emotionally that “it is appointed once to die.” So what is my legacy? I quietly assess my behavior and attitudes:

For me, at this stage of maturity, my legacy includes how I will be remembered in that first year after I pass. My present behavior and attitude testify to my values that will hopefully leave an impression, especially on my grandchildren.

How will my five grandchildren remember me? I ask myself and model my life so as to have a positive effect on their development. My legacy to them, even at this time, is to help instill the values of generosity, affection, forgiveness, enthusiasm, diligence and a dedication to education and spirituality.

What is my legacy to my 15-year-old Pub, Cassie? If she remembers anything, and I think she will, it will be that she has received tender loving car, the best of medical care, daily exercise, 25 pats on the head and our moments of play, which are seldom now with the increasing in aging (hers more than mine). She isn’t a puppy anymore.

One unit of my present legacy is the habit of being proactive. This is an accurate image which portrays long term planning for the future. I am persuaded that my present values and characteristics are surely impacting others, especially the grandchildren. We leave our mark on others; that is our legacy.

In the Upper Room Devotional Magazine [10/9/07], Tom of Utah shared poignant remarks on this subject, one such assuring comment being:

“Whether I realize it or not, I influence those around me each waking moment”

Each day we are building our legacy.

Josiah was a political leader in the old testament. For 31 years he gave guidance and brought security and economic stability to his small nation. Daily he built his legacy of doing “what was right in the eyes of the Lord.” [2Kings22:2].

Each day, we are building our legacy.

The slogan, “get your head in the game,” is a profound statement that alludes to one’s taking responsibility for acts they are either required to or have failed to accomplish. You hear it recited in many places where its application is directly attributed to the degree of success associated with a desired outcome.

In some circles, this phrase is nothing more than a cliche, in others a chant, but in this venue it is a call for parents to wake up to the challenge that comes with raising their children. Please do not take this as an indictment on the methodology you have chosen to meet your objectives in child rearing.

This appeal challenges each of us work cohesively to ensure the best possible course of action when choosing the education tract for our children. In doing this, we must approach each decision that affects the success of our child as parents, not merely your sibling’s friend. Friendship has its place, but it should definitely take a back seat when making decisions that impact the growth and successful assimilation of our children into the global market.

Our cheers should be louder for their successful matriculation in the field of academia than they would be in complimenting a touchdown on the football field, home runs on the baseball field, or the successful execution of making a field goal on the basketball court. Not that the later is not important. Every positive contribution a child makes to society, no matter how trivial, should be cherished. Each contribution or effort should be considered as lessons learned as they graduate to the next level of society.

In today’s society, too many of our young men, especially our black men, find themselves caught up in a system that leaves them ill-prepared to function as effective members of society. While their skill in sports are being exploited, their inherent need for achievement in the area of academia is being neglected. They are honored for their athletic contribution to the team but are being deprived of a real chance to succeed as effective members of society. As students, they are being left behind to fend for themselves upon exit from public school.

How are we failing them? We are failing or young men by not making them realize they must earn the privilege to play sports. It is well known that every athlete will not make it to the pros. That being a reality, it is paramount that we keep our young men and women focused on the prize of a good education. It has been proven in numerous studies that a child that can not read at grade level at the age of three is destined for failure. They are more apt to drop out of school and very likely to wind up as wards of the state.

As responsible parents, let’s befriend them by demanding that they be accountable for good grades, a thorough understanding of the basic principles of communications, and a through obligation to be publicly aware of the issues that will undoubtedly carve out their path as they move up the ladder to adulthood.

We can start the healing process by demanding excellence in academic, correctness in social skills, and diligence in the way our siblings deal with the pressures that will affront them as they become recipients of the heritage we will surely leave them. Whatever that heritage will be, it will be the ingredients they will use to carve out their place in society. We can continue to allow them remain afloat on the sea of confusion, or we can refocus our energies to redefine the paths we have allowed them to take.

In this diverse society, inundated with all sorts of ethical and devious vices, we are our children’s link to the future. How effectively they connect within the political, social and moral structure of society is in our hands. We can continue on the course we are chartering or we can drop anchor, consider alternate courses of action, realign objectives that will compliment the growth and success of our children and continue our journey focused on goals that will ensure our children will be more apt to successfully traverse the societal maze that is certain to confront them in life.

Let not our past be defined as a period of indecisiveness and lackluster involvement in the education of our youth. Let us commit to restructuring our priorities to include how well our siblings are fairing in the field of academia.

Let us resolve to prepare our children to achieve academic excellence, corporate participation and other curricular activities last.