Topic: parody

Raiders of the Lost Pizza

By David W. Shelton | June 7, 2008 |

The air in the ancient Sicilian cave was cold and stale. I could see the faint hint of the vapors of my breath in the light of my torch in the near-fifty degree temperature.

I turned the corner, and realized that this wasn’t just a cave, it was a long-lost prehistoric firebrick kitchen that had the most luscious form of deities - Pitz’a’coatl. It was a round, flat deity that seemed to center around the gastro-intestinal functions of its devotees. Something about constipation, I think.

But it was the idol itself that drew me here, halfway across the world. The legend alone was fascinating enough. When I learned that the idol was a beautiful solid gold disc with upturned edges and a distinct pattern on its flattened topside, I knew it would be a powerful addition to the Museum of Ancient Foods.

There it was. It glistened in the mysterious golden light that seemed to come from nowhere. I carefully walked into the chamber, taking precaution to only step onto the small, red circles scattered about as to avoid setting off one of the many booby traps in the temple.

Too late.

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