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Going to the Movies Can Result in Some Unusual Situations

A group of friends–several couples–had been out to dinner. They decided to go to the movies. After having been settled in their seats for quite some time, one of the ladies decided to retire to repair her make-up. She began walking, face towards the screen and scooting sideways towards the aisle.

Several gentlemen rose to let her by. Unfortunately for one of them, he noticed that his zipper had somehow been left unzipped. As he rose to let her by, he stood and simultaneously zipped.

As luck would have it, he zipped not only his pants but the skirt of the lady who was moving towards the aisle into the zipper. The material in her dress was quite sheer and stuck. He tried and tried to release her but to no avail. People behind them began to get restless and to insist that they sit down, but it was impossible under the situation.

Eventually, they had to move together to the lobby of the theater. The lady was near hysterics because she was wearing a very expensive new dress and she was certain it would be ruined by all the jerking and adjusting the man was trying to perform in order to release the skirt.

Finally, in desperation, the man ripped the skirt from the zipper. He then reached into his pocket and handed the lady a huge wad of money and announced, “There! I hope you’re satisfied.”

With that, he returned to the theater and left her standing with the money in her hand and tears in her eyes.

I’m sure that’s not the worst that has ever happened during a movie presentation.

If you are reading this—especially if you are a kid–don’t even think of trying the following antics!

My dear husband, when he was a child, was somewhat less than an angel. (I hate to admit it, but I don’t think he’s recovered from that condition.)

Several of his friends and he caught “candle flies” (the kind of moths that fly around lights without ceasing) in several jars. They smuggled these into the movie house in Virginia Beach. During the movie, they suddenly released all the moths and laughed without any remorse as the pesky insects began flying in front of the projector. No one could see the movie. All that was visible were flapping wings.

The lights were turned on and a theater employee got a crab net to capture the moths. With the ceiling lights on, the moths flew up to the ceiling. The lights went off and the moths flew back to the projector. Some moths were caught in the net.

After that, another employee began spraying insecticide—probably DDT. The smell was so awful that everyone in the balcony—including the little villains–abandoned their seats and crowded downstairs. Most of the audience then ran out to escape the smell of the bug spray. The manager was last seen jumping up and down in the aisle screaming.

What is funny to a kid is not necessarily funny to an adult!

This horde of boys did not like the theater manager and the feeling was mutual, I suspect. Bill says that the man did not like kids at all. (Can you blame him after all these shenanigans?)

The boys decided to put together the 12 cents it cost to enter the movie. This paid for a ticket for one boy who entered legally. He then opened the back door so that the other nine could participate without paying.

Not having thought this escapade through very well, the unholy nine went behind the movie screen and walked slowly across the stage. Of course, they were immediately obvious to the audience. Nine shadows stealthily creeping across meant only one thing.

The manager began running to the stage. The boys caught on and scampered into the darkened theater, scattered into seats among those already watching the movie, and were undetected as they innocently began to watch the movie. The manager couldn’t figure out who the culprits were.

Now you know why Bill and I rarely go to the movies. He’s older, but his sense of humor has remained the same. I’m never sure what joke will occur to him next.
I don’t dare take him anywhere.

Sue Freeman Culverhouse
Sue Freeman Culverhousehttp://culverhouseart.com/
Author of Tennessee Literary Luminaries: From Cormac McCarthy to Robert Penn Warren (The History Press, 2013) Sue Freeman Culverhouse has been a freelance writer for the past 36 years. Beginning in 1976, she published magazines articles in Americana, Historic Preservation, American Horticulturist, Flower and Garden, The Albemarle Magazine, and many others. Sue is the winner of two Virginia Press Awards in writing. She moved to Springfield, Tennessee in 2003 with her sculptor husband, Bill a retired attorney. Sue has one daughter,  Susan Leigh Miller who teaches poetry and creative writing at Rutgers University. Sue teaches music and writing at Watauga Elementary School in Ridgetop, Tennessee to approximately 500 students in kindergarten through fifth grade. She also publishes a literary magazine each year; all work in the magazine is written and illustrated by the students. Sue writes "Uncommon Sense," a column in the Robertson County Times, which also appears on Clarksville Online. She is the author of "Seven keys to a sucessful life", which is  available on amazon.com and pubishamerica.com; this is a self-help book for all ages.
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