Clarksville, TN – I hate divorce. I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I also know that there are times when leaving a marriage is the safest and wisest thing that you can do.
But it is never, ever easy. The aftermath of divorce is even more grueling at times. There are consequences to divorce, and there are mental traps we find ourselves in.
Here are some lies that divorced women should stop believing.
List of Lies Divorced Women should Stop Believing
- I am damaged goods-You are hurt, healing and maybe even heartbroken, but you are still extremely worthy in the eyes of God. You make think you are wandering around with a neon “D” on your shirt, but you are not. There are men and women who have left very unhealthy marriages and who are looking for second chances. You are not a bad person, or “less than” the girl next door who found Prince Charming by age 21.
- I gave up too easily-Women rarely walk out on their marriage without a fight. In fact, I have been criticized for staying too long in my first marriage and thinking I could be a superhero “fixer”. I know there are people who walk out on marriage without a fight, but I haven’t met those people. I meet the women who have been called ungodly names, told they didn’t deserve love, pushed to the ground, cheated on over and over again, and treated like dirt.
Trust those around you who know your struggle to keep you grounded in the knowledge that you are not a quitter. If you are like most women, you lost yourself to a bad marriage, and had to find yourself, not just for you, but also for your kids.
- No one wants to raise another man’s kids-Some guys don’t. Don’t date them. And don’t ever “forget to mention” that you are a mom. There is no point getting involved with a guy who just doesn’t want kids, or doesn’t want your kids. There are kind men, who make great stepfathers (who may have been raised by step-fathers too)
Ask prospective “suitors” if they are comfortable dating women with children. Be honest with them that you are not casually dating, but dating people who you could see yourself with long term. And don’t introduce them to your kids until several months into a healthy relationship.
- There are no good guys out there-Chances are, you probably already have a “list” of your new criteria for men you will date and maybe someday marry. For me it was Godly, likes kids, funny and impressive (to me.) But that took time. At first it was more like, has a pulse, drives a car, will buy me fast food sometimes.
Don’t aim low ladies; you didn’t leave your marriage to accept whatever a man wants to dish out. After my divorce, I dated a man who was very attractive, owned his gorgeous home outright, drove nice cars, etc. But he cursed at me just a few months into dating him. I broke up with this guy because I knew his heart wasn’t aligned with God’s plan for my life. A list it great, but make sure it’s more about setting healthy boundaries than trying to build-a-perfect-Ken-doll.
- I am not loveable– This is the biggest lie of all! You have survived trying times; you made it to the other side! God has always loved you and now it’s time to love yourself! Surround yourself with godly, loving people. Only date kind men. Be kind to yourself: take care of yourself, your body, your mind and your spirit.
This may be a cliché, but if you do not truly love yourself the way God desires for you to, you will make some mistakes you will wish you could take back later.
Surviving divorce is difficult, but with a relationship with God, it gets easier every day. Give yourself plenty of time to heal. Find a good church home and consider getting some counseling,
Don’t believe the lies that the enemy doles out, or your ex says in anger. Believe the love and the hope that our loving God gifts us everyday. And remember: you are not alone.
