Clarksville, TN – Friday stunk. Or at least my attitude did.
“Stupid rain. I can’t find anything I am looking for. Car won’t start. Nothing is going my way, not today, not lately…”
Ever feel sorry for yourself? I do. I find it obnoxious, yet there I am tearing up driving down the rainy interstate because God doesn’t make everything peachy for me or give into my every desire.
Well I drug my pitiful self into the Montgomery County Jail. I signed into the “Religious Visits” clipboard, I sat down in the metal fold up chair in front of the monitor, and I picked up the phone with the 3 foot cord on it. A female inmate looked at me and started talking. And I was still feeling sorry for myself.I’ve been meeting with this woman for 7 months. I pray with her, I encourage her, I give her tough love and accountability, I…I…I.
I don’t know everything. My jail friend schooled me. She was sharing how she is doing better at giving everything to God. She said that being smart has been an issue for her because she can see what could or should happen but gets frustrated because God doesn’t do it fast enough or her way. Then she said, “I need to learn to crawl for I can run.” Ouch.
I have been RUNNING and I mean full speed. I have run myself to and fro. I have zigged and I have zagged, and I have gotten absolutely nowhere. I am not saying I have accomplished nothing, ever. I am saying that with my current goals and desires, I have run myself ragged. I have made myself too busy. I have lost focus. And even though I pray every single day, many times a day, my prayers have begun to sound flat to my own ears.
So now to teach myself to crawl.
Here are the steps:
- Get low. Like really low. Lay flat on the ground. Hang out there for a while just babbling and drooling.
- Shuffle around on my belly. Start looking around. Notice things I’d like to get to if I could just get mobile.
- Get up on my hands and knees. Learn balance. Look around and determine my goals.
- Start moving. Fall on my face. Repeat.
Sometimes (almost always) I think too big, too fast and too complex. I skip steps and make mistakes. God tries to slow me down but I don’t submit, so I run amuck, sweating, running out of breath, and getting nowhere. He’s waiting for me with sports drinks and bananas; I accept them, and keep running crazy.
Today I begin to learn to crawl; to gain focus; to humble myself; to submit to God from a new, but liberating low.
Are you ready to crawl? The view isn’t so bad down here. And when I fall, the landing is pretty soft.